我的灵啊，要努力祷告

觉得自己很烦，明明从神那里已经领受了亮光，不要寻求从人而来的肯定，要操练忠心神的托付，做神话语的出口，（Seeking His Approval Only）然而，在面对自己的微信文章少有人关注的状况，无法克制的苦毒沮丧，各种声音在里面：

• 没有人真正关心我，理解我，和我站在同一条战线上；
• 人们对娱乐八卦资讯的兴趣越超过上帝和上帝的话
• 我并不是要试图去掌控人们的反应如何，然而如果无人问津，对传福音坚固信徒毫无益处
• 已经有那么多转发，我写的又算得了什么
• 为什么我在FB或者微博可以不去计较有没有人读，在微信就这么计较
• 。。。

回家路上，听董晓卿牧师讲到复兴人物之一，查尔斯·芬利，他坚持如果没有祷告的灵就不做事。这给我一个很大的提醒：之前我虽然明白了托付，虽然明白了策略，却在策略实施上漏掉最重要的环节--祷告。觉得自己正在做的事情是为了传福音，因此也没有放在祷告中，求神膏抹，问神是否要使用，因此所有一切的努力，还是以自我为中心。

求主赦免。愿意更加谦卑的与祢同行，与祢同工。

令人窒息的孤独

读亨利·卢云的《Reaching Out - The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life 探索 -- 属灵生命的三个篇章》一书。

探索第一篇是内心最深处的自己，开篇便阐述孤独，令人窒息的孤独，使我们速速逃离自己，投入身边同伴的怀中，等待无痛苦无分离所有人类不安都消散进入心灵平静的那个时刻到来--却发现等来的不过是镜花水月。

There is much mental suffering in our world.  But some of it is suffering for the wrong reason because it is born out of the false expectation that we are called to take each other's loneliness away.  在这个世界中存在太多心灵的苦难。然而有时候，我们却是因着错误的原因而受苦：我们有一个错误的期待，以为我们被呼召让彼此不再孤独。

初读到这句话，不是十分理解：圣经不是教导我们要彼此相爱，担当彼此的重担吗？仔细读下去，发现卢云在这里要表达的不是弟兄姐妹彼此相爱的问题，而是个人和神之间的关系：人内心深处对于合一和完整的渴望，只有上帝才能满足 -- 无论是朋友还是爱人，无论是丈夫还是妻子，无论是社交还是合作，都无法让这最深的渴望得着满足。

It is sad to see how sometimes people suffering from loneliness, often deepened by the lack of affection in their intimate family circle, search for a final solution for their pains and look at a new friend, a new lover or a new community with Messianic expectations. Although their mind knows about their self-deceit, their hearts keep saying, "Maybe this time I have found what I have knowingly or unknowingly been searching for".  然而，可悲的是，有时候我们看见在孤独中受苦的人--这种孤独往往因为在最亲近的家人中情感缺乏而加深--在为他们的痛苦寻找一个终极解决办法的时候，带着对弥赛亚式的期盼去看待一个新的朋友，新的爱人，新的社区。尽管他们的理智知道这是自欺，然而他们的心却在不断的催眠：“或许这一次，我找到了在有意或无意中正在寻找的。”

或许，你会说，孤独只是个人的问题，性格使然，与神无关；你甚至可以举出无数不信主的人一样幸福快乐没有孤独问题。无意争辩，也不想无知的搬出诸如预定论这样高深的神学理论来企图说服你。读完这一章，给自己的提醒就是：我不是救世主，我无法用自己的聪明智慧人生经历去解答别人心灵最深处的问题--因为那是神预留给自己的部分。

唯一可以说的，是这种令人窒息的孤独，我尝过；在这种孤独中想要将自己盲目的扔进一段关系中只为了一点点短暂温暖的诱惑，我面对过；而最终找到了真正能让自己从窒息的孤独中走出来得着心灵平安的那一位：弥赛亚式的期盼只有在救主耶稣的身上才成全。

倘若你正在被这种窒息却莫名的孤独缠绕，倘若你看到这里心门好像被叩动，你愿意轻轻的对耶稣说“我愿意来认识你祢”吗？下面的歌送给你。

Seeking His Approval only

这几天觉得自己在微信上分享的文章越来越没有人关注，心中也觉得在大家心中，自己像祥林嫂一样让人厌烦，是否该坚持下去？

今天起晚了，在早上祷告大军敬拜后，一边吃早饭一天听牧师的信息分享--平时都自己读经不听分享的，恩典的主却因此对我说话：让我看到，自己盼望得焦点不对--不要渴望人来的荣耀，人的肯定，我们的信心是在祂的话语，是在于祂的话语能够光照进人心的黑暗。

于是我明白，要成为神话语的出口，要领受先知的恩膏，必须要操练忠心的把神的话语宣告出来，将信心建立在神话语的能力上，将结果交在神的手中，而不是企图掌控人们的反应。以完成神的托付为满足，不寻求人来的肯定和赞赏。




工作前浏览了一下Desiring God网站，看到下面这篇文章：Whose Approval Do You Crave For?

Jesus calls them “hypocrites” because in their praying and fasting they want to appear as if they treasure God, but in fact they treasure the praise of men. (What Jesus Demands from the World, 127)

The same misplaced desire for approval is why Jeremiah rebuked Israel: “Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:12–13).

Craving human praise is a cistern that cannot hold water. That is why Jesus tells his disciples how to pray and fast. Our hearts are so sinful that we can twist the purest of activities — even prayer and fasting — into something that conjures praise from our fellow man.

Find Your Fill in Christ

So how do we kill this desire for human approval? Piper says,

Is not the most effective way of bridling my delight in being made much of, to focus on making much of God? Self-denial and fixation of the self are essential, but O how easy it is to be made much of even for my self-denial! How shall this insidious motive of pleasure in being made much of be broken except through bending all my faculties to delight in the pleasure of making much of God! Christian Hedonism is the final solution. It is deeper than death to self. You have to go down deeper into the grave of the flesh to find the truly freeing stream of miracle water that ravishes you with the taste of God’s glory. Only in that speechless, all-satisfying admiration is the end of self. (What Jesus Demands, 136–137)

Only Jesus is the living water. Only in him will we never thirst. Only when we crave Christ and the approval of the God-man will our bondage for the craving of mere human approval be broken. The Spirit helps us in our weakness and enables us to do the impossible: to say no to ungodliness and to open our eyes to see the glory of God in the face of Christ.

感谢主，不仅指出我的偏差，还给我指出纠正偏差，仅仅向自己死还不够--人的骄傲甚至会因为向自己死而沾沾自喜，更重要的是向着神活，因着神生命活水才能让干渴的心灵得滋润而不再寻求别的源泉。